So I have been wanting to write for a while and as much time I have had on my hands I just havent seemed to find the time to do this. This has been such a crazy experience for me that I want to make sure I remember as much as possible. As we go through things, it seems like we will never forget the feelings, emotions and trials we may be going through at the time. However, as soon as life gets up and running again we quickly forget everything. That is why I wish I journaled on a regular basis because it is much too easy to forget such important and life changing monents, thoughts and realizations. So I am really going to try and make a daily post of what I am feeling. I am going to start by recapping the last few weeks and than start from here day by day.
Before the surgery I was not nervous AT ALL, almost unrealistically. I did not get nervous until they put the mask on me to put me under and tears started streaming down my face and I started raying as fast as I could. They have to go over with you the chances of you not waking up. Of course the chance is ridiculously slim but I thought I was going to die, I really did. So I prayed that I wouldn't die, I prayed for my family, my kids and everything I could squueze in that minute until bam, I was out like a light. The surgery took four hours and I vaguely remeber being in the recovery room. I was then wheeled up into my room in which I stayed for 4 days and apparently when my husband walked in I repeatedly asked him the same question for about 30 minutes until my first recollection after the surgery of my husband saying "Jessica, this is the tenth time you have asked me this question!" haha So, the hospital stay was nice, the hospital I was at was the new Palomar Hospital and you feel like you are staying at a luxury hotel, it is SO nice! The had me pretty comfortable as far as pain goes, and to be honest I don't really know what the heck I did in those four days because I didn't open one of the four books I brought, couldn't really sleep (which I thought is what you do for days after a major surgery?) and did not really watch TV. I guess I just sat there and thought. I did have a lot of visitors which was nice. Soooo all was nice and grand until my 2nd night there when I started having a REA:LY bad reaction to the pain medication I was on and a supposed "hangover" of the anesthesia?
(I will finish later..my A.D.D. has taken me elsewhere)
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